Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
