How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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