I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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