I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
