He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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