i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
