My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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