Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
