I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
