How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
