Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
