Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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