My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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