It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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