If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
