the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
