dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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