I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need help removing her.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
