very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
