i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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