did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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