The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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