Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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