Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
