Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
