Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
