College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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