She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
