Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
