at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
there is glitter all over my balls
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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