Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
