I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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