Sponge bath it is.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
