saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
