Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
