I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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