just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
