last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
