This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he shaved USA in his pubs
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
