my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
