The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
