I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
