girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
