im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
