we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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