it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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