She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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