I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
