So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
