Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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