dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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