I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
