8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
