He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
