please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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