watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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