How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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