Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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