After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
