Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
