Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
